I have been away because I was depressed. Very depressed.
Now if you ask me why I was depressed – I really don’t know what happened.
All I know is I was upset and feeling very low for not very apparent reasons.
I still keep feeling weird and sad and I do not have clear idea why. One thing I know for sure that it has got nothing to do with the baby! I am more than happy that I am still pregnant and I can not wait for the baby to arrive.
In short I will note down what happened during the last months:
Since I was always being so cautiously optimistic about the pregnancy, I was in some kind of denial all the time trying not to talk or think about it. But now I look so pregnant that there is no more running away from it, whenever I look into the mirror I experience a very weird feeling – I look so pregnant but inside my head I am still being scared and in denial. Moreover, people I don’t even I know properly ask me about the pregnancy. I know it is perfectly alright but I felt quite uncomfortable at first. But things have improved now I guess. I am getting used to the fact that I am preggy wiggy!
During my 12th week, 16th week and 20th week scan I was told that the baby has an anterior placenta. I don’t know how much it has something to do with the baby’s movement but I really could not feel too much movement until a couple of days ago. I did feel flutters and little movements from 16 week but those were not very regular until 24 weeks.
My birthday – it was on the 8th of October and I had many mixed feelings about that day. Last year I told my friends about my pregnancy on this day. We arranged a surprise for them with some riddles and finally it was disclosed. Come to think of it now technically the fetus stopped growing way before my birthday but I did not have a clue. Those memories were coming back and I could not feel too excited about my birthday.
November second was one year anniversary of my last loss. It was the day when I learnt that the pregnancy was over. This year being almost 27 week pregnant I thought this would not matter to me so much but it did. I cried the whole day and could not stop thinking about the baby who I never got to see.
My 25 week belly picture as I have promised. Got my camera fixed but can’t figure out what pictures to take and put in the blog.
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Oh, you look beautiful! I’m glad you posted–I’ve been worried about you!
Sorry you’ve been depressed–that’s serious. Does your doctor know? I think that depression during pregnancy can put you at greater risk for post-partum depression.
Happy late Birthday, Sanan! I’m glad this year was a little better (if confusing) and hope next year will be the best ever, with your little baby here!
What an adorable belly picture! I’m sorry things have been so hard for you recently. It’s so unfair that we can’t just feel the unbridled joy that other pregnant women feel, but that’s just not in our experience yet. I hope that next year at this time you will be filled with happiness!
Welcome back to your blog! Very gorgeous belly! I am sorry for your depression, and I second Newt’s concern. I understand how hard it is to relax during pregnancy, but I think with more and more movement you’ll get to feeling a lot better. I have an anterior placenta too and have always thought it stifles my feeling her movements. They didn’t really get regular until 29-30 weeks.
An anterior placenta just means that it is located on the front area of your womb, so it does act as a dampening effect to the baby’s movements. Itiis very common and nothing to worry about. Your depression is also very understandable, it was just the one year anniversary of your loss and you are grieving. Give yourself time and pamper yourself, but do mention it to your doctor, as 10 percent of new moms have serious postpartum depression that require medication.