When do I enjoy my Pregnancy?

I have been away from blogland for a while but it was nice catching up with the blogs. Everything seems to go well in everywhere and lots of pregnancy news!

I had my 16 weeks scan on 15 August, 2008. All is well with the baby (measuring right on track, healthy heart beat and everything). But the scan technician managed to freak me out with her comment.

While doing the u/s she told me, ‘oh by the way, make sure you drink a lot of liquid since your amniotic fluid is little less!’

I was like: WTF! What do you mean by little less? Is it dangerously less? Should I take medicine? Should I be on bed rest? Do I have a fracture in my membrane? Am I having early labor?

Then the lady decided to keep her mouth shut! Doesn’t she know these comments could just kill people like me!

I was really mad at her when I saw that in the report she did not mention anything about less Amniotic Fluid, rather she wrote, ‘Amniotic Fluid is adequate!’ Then why the hell did she bother to say things to freak me out like that?

I don’t know at what point of my pregnancy I will feel comfortable sharing the news. Still the number of people who know about it is less than 15 and includes people like my family, CJ’s family and few essential people in my office.

I had a get together with my five closest friends a couple of days ago. We used to be in the same school around 7^th grade and we are still very good friends. I was prepared that if they ask me anything about my thick midsection I would tell them the news. But to utter surprise nobody even noticed. May be it is because we had dinner at a dark Italian restaurant and most of the time I was sitting.

Funny thing was that in the table one of my friends declared about the pregnancy of her sister in law and described how she was 16 weeks and nobody could even guess that she was pregnant!

I happen to have some pelvic pressure from yesterday which kind of scares me. It is not severe but there is a saying in our country that “if a cow has ever experienced fire in her farm/barn, she will be scared seeing red clouds in the sky during sun set!” So I am like that cow now, freaking at every little symptoms.

My struggle towards a Fetal Doppler (It would be nice if I did not know about it at all)!

I will definitely blame it on my excessively web browsing and reading other PG ladies blogs. I have never heard of a Fetal Doppler before I started reading some of the blogs. Okay may be I heard but I had no idea that you can have one of them at home – I always thought these are for hospitals only like the ultrasound machines.

So when I realized how everyone (PG ladies) is taking advantage of this wonder of science to put their mind at ease; I also became quite aggressive to get my hands on one.

I have checked with the US based websites and if the price of the Doppler along with Gel is 140 USD then to have it shipped to my country it will be a total of 240 USD!

Then there’s this friend of CJ who was coming from Australia for a visit so we thought may be we could ask him to get one for us so that we could avoid the shipping cost. But since we were not sure when he was coming so we actually ended up calling him on the day he was flying.

He managed to look in to few pharmacies before going to the airport but was told that in Sydney he could either get them from e-shopping or by renting directly from the manufacturer. He didn’t have time for any.

And finally I consoled myself thinking may be I don’t need it now. I am 14w5d today so may be I will be able to feel the baby soon.

So here I am worrying and wondering what’s happening inside me every minute! Well I did something on the day I was 14 week to motivate myself. I brought two new born baby dresses so that finally I start believing in the pregnancy. I actually blushed a lot when the salesman asked if they were for a boy or girl. I got one of each. They are not very cute but at least it was a big start for me.

Everything else is going fine with us by the grace of Almighty. Well except for the fact that I am having weird dreams like my sister running away with a 70 year old chauffer or my brother telling me that he is in love with a street beggar. Worst dreams include having threesome with two fat men (I think I am sex deprived for too long!). These dreams may seem quite funny when I am awake but trust me when I am seeing them it feels so real and scares the hell out of me!

Lazy Girl in Action Again – i.e. Posting Again!

I have been a bad blogger – a real bad one. I wanted this to be a journal where all our struggles to parenthood will be recorded but I am being so bad at updating.

Let’s go back to my 12 week ultrasound day. The worst thing about having u/s at random clinics is that we have to explain each time to the technician why we are doing it and that he also needs to give us details on how things are working inside my Ute.

For our 12 week u/s we went to a clinic near our house and there the technician was a young lady in her mid twenties. She wasn’t quite getting our dilemma. We told her about the previous miscarriages but she kept on asking, ‘I don’t understand what’s wrong? Why are you scared about this pregnancy?’ I said, ‘look I hope there’s nothing wrong and you just need to find out that everything’s okay’. Then she said why wouldn’t things be ok (I really think she never saw a not okay baby in anybody’s Ute).

I decided not to talk any more until she starts the u/s. But she kept on and on pressing the wand on my abdomen without saying a word. As I could not see the screen properly so I had to ask her, ‘Is it moving?’

She almost fell down from her chair and looked to me in disbelief, ‘Now why wouldn’t the baby move?’

I wish I was so naive like her! But I was happy so I just smiled. The baby measured 12w2d and heartbeat was 159 bpm on Friday, July 18. Phew and Thank you dear God!

Ultrasound Update

I had my ultrasound and my baby is fine (Thanks to God – I have become very devoted to God these days!).

The baby looks more human now and s/he waved at us few times during the u/s.

I wanted to write more about the u/s but I have just thrown up my lunch minutes ago so I guess I will take some rest now and give details in my next post.

May be I am Lethergic But I am also very Positive!

My younger sister came to visit me a few of days ago. She is a second year university student and stayed overnight with us during the weekend. She was very surprised to see me on the bed the whole time. I sent CJ to other room and so that sis can share the bed with me and since I lie down on the bed and watch TV so she was doing the same with me.

CJ asked her next day, I know your sis is pregnant but what’s with you? It seems like you are also taking bed rest!

Then she explained that if you stay on the bed or don’t get exercise for a while you become lethargic and gradually lose interest in any kind of physical activities. As if I am like a monster giving her lethargic vibes! But I know I have become very lazy. I do feel very sick but at the same time I think may be I could do a little better if I wanted to.

I am dreading the next ultrasound that I am going to take on Saturday. I should be passed 12 weeks by then. I just simply can’t stop thinking about my last m/s. last November I started spotting on a Thursday around 12 weeks, and on Friday morning the u/s showed that the fetus stopped growing weeks ago. I did not feel a thing earlier (no spotting no cramping) so I was not prepared at all.     

Dr. TAK did not ask me for any u/s before I see him on Sunday but I need to do it for my own peace of mind. I am scared but staying positive. It’s a good thing that so far I am having positive feelings about this pregnancy. So dear baby, please stay strong and healthy in there, I am sorry if my ute is causing any discomfort to you but please be strong enough to ignore it. Mommy and Papa are waiting to give you all the love in the world.

More Updates!

So I am still alive. For the last few weeks I was basically on the bed doing everything there (activities include only the following: having breakfasts, lunch, dinners, reading books and watching TV). I only got up to PP (pee and poop) and to take very brief showers.

I was so tried that I did not even feel like going to the terrace which is next to my room. I did not go to my office for straight 7 working days (with the weekends total 11 days) and really did not care about finding out whether I still had my job or not!

But when I came back to work I was thrilled to find out not only that I had my job but also the pile of work that I have abandoned weeks ago was still there…I was hoping someone else would do them for me but I guess it’s a cruel world!

It’s a shame that I could not come to blogsphere during a long time. Actually the constant puking did not leave me with any energy to do anything. I have a lot of catching up to do and from now on I wish to be regular.

Something really wonderful happened at my work on Monday. We have a consultant working with us regarding the process development of our department. Her name is Randi and she is from Norway.

I had a meeting with Randi on Sunday which I was not able to attend. So on Monday I went to reschedule that meeting. While I was coming back from her room suddenly she asked, ‘Do you have children?’

‘No.’

‘Is one coming?’

I haven’t told anyone at work except my supervisor and his boss but it’s not that I am denying it – it’s just that I am waiting for people to ask me, I don’t want to say it like – “oh there’s news – I am pregnant!”

I answered to Randi that ‘yes you are right.’

She is around 60 years of age and has grand children so I think she just guessed. Then she asked me a lot of questions and after I told her about the last miscarriage she said, ‘I think you should be on leave for at least 4 weeks from now.’

I said my doctor did not tell me anything about taking rest. She gave me a ‘what-do-the-doctors-of-this country-know’ look and said she will check with her doctor in Norway but she is sure that I should be taking a lot of rest now and must not be at work – work is very stressful! (I know I know – Lots of flowers and sandal wood powder on Randi’s face!)

Then she asked me to talk to my supervisor immediately about the leave and I just loved the part ‘if he says anything like there’s problem ask him to talk to me.’  

I did talk to my supervisor and there was no problem – since around this time of the year we really don’t have too heavy work load. But I asked for 2 weeks leave because hopefully in two weeks I will be passed 12 weeks and that was around the time when I found out about our last loss.

So for the next two weeks I hope to stay on bed as much as possible and enjoy my life watching movies and reading books and of course catching up with many blogs.

Update

I am terribly ill. I have tremendous gas; severe nausea and not being able keep any food inside my tummy for longer. I also have loose motion. I am so sick that I am not even going to work. I am spending most of the day on the bed.

So I gave up yesterday and decided to see the doctor today. But before that I figured I should do an u/s just to know for the first time what’s going on inside me so I went to have one yesterday——

 

And while I was shedding tears with fear during the exam – the fabulous u/s technician told me, ‘why are you so worried – everything is fine and you have a baby inside you.’

The first thing I asked was, ‘does it have a heart beat?’

And the lovely lady said, ‘of course it does!’

The baby measured 8w4d and it’s little heart is beating away at 178bpm (is it too fast?)

I could not be happier. I know I have been there before and things did not work out later. But that does not mean it will repeat again. I will post more when I feel better.

Still hanging in there – barely

Doing better than before. No more diarrhea but feeling like puking every now and then.

Should be 7w5d today according to my LMP. Still around 15 days left till I am supposed to have an u/s as per my doctor’s recommendation.

The waiting is becoming impossible day by day and I wonder when I will simply lose it and have an u/s by myself and end all suspense!

I am ready to do anything…just give me some assurance

I am very sick for the last few days. I think finally the symptoms are hitting me but now I do not really like it because most of the times I am assuming some of the symptoms as bad signs.

I am having diarrhea from last night – it is not very serious but I am also having acidity with mild cramps. I don’t understand one thing – like when someone is pregnant and is vomiting or has nausea; it can not be without any feelings in the tummy? I have mild cramps mostly resembling that of serious acidity – I am a little scared but I have left it in the hands of God so I am trying not worry. Whatever he has planned for me will happen – whether I worry or not worry.

I called my doctor yesterday and got to talk to a duty doctor. She said it was normal and if I was very scared or feeling very ill I could come and get admitted in the hospital. But surely I was not feeling as if the cramps were killing me. I feel very sick but I guess it’s just the way pregnant women feel.

Since my symptoms are pretty obvious (like inability to eat a lot of things, nausea, getting smell in everything), I decided to give my MIL a little hint. I told her I might have conceived but it’s still too early to test. She thinks it takes at least three weeks after you miss your period to get a positive test. I said, “Oh really? Then I should wait at least until the end of this month to find out.” I did not feel too good about lying to her but I had no other choice.

She suggested I should get a holy amulet from the holy people (like priest) from a nearby shrine. Her sister who lives nearby was here for a visit and she said she will give me a special amulet when I conceive next time(!). The amulet will have a piece of fishing net (iron to drive away all bad air), a piece of cow’s bone (to keep me protected from evil spirit) and some other weird stuff. This amulet will surely let me have an uneventful healthy pregnancy!

I or my parents have never believed in these things but now I want to get it. The slightest hope that I can get from anywhere, I really don’t want to miss it – and especially when I am having cramps!

Just hanging in there

Nothing much is going on in my life. Trying my best to not to think about the pregnancy (I see I have gathered the guts to write the actual P word), and move on with a normal life. But easy said than done!

I am nervous every moment…getting alert on every little discomfort that I have and even on the lack of any discomfort sometimes. Although I am not posting but I am reading a lot of other blogs. I am really upset for Newt from Dear Gherkin. I don’t know why God does this – I know there is a right reason which we are not able to figure out most of the times but can he not spare us from these sorts of pains?

I don’t have clue what is happening inside me – also I am not too eager to find it out either. I just want to wait until around the end of this month but waiting has become really tough.