Update

I am terribly ill. I have tremendous gas; severe nausea and not being able keep any food inside my tummy for longer. I also have loose motion. I am so sick that I am not even going to work. I am spending most of the day on the bed.

So I gave up yesterday and decided to see the doctor today. But before that I figured I should do an u/s just to know for the first time what’s going on inside me so I went to have one yesterday——

 

And while I was shedding tears with fear during the exam – the fabulous u/s technician told me, ‘why are you so worried – everything is fine and you have a baby inside you.’

The first thing I asked was, ‘does it have a heart beat?’

And the lovely lady said, ‘of course it does!’

The baby measured 8w4d and it’s little heart is beating away at 178bpm (is it too fast?)

I could not be happier. I know I have been there before and things did not work out later. But that does not mean it will repeat again. I will post more when I feel better.

Still hanging in there – barely

Doing better than before. No more diarrhea but feeling like puking every now and then.

Should be 7w5d today according to my LMP. Still around 15 days left till I am supposed to have an u/s as per my doctor’s recommendation.

The waiting is becoming impossible day by day and I wonder when I will simply lose it and have an u/s by myself and end all suspense!

I am ready to do anything…just give me some assurance

I am very sick for the last few days. I think finally the symptoms are hitting me but now I do not really like it because most of the times I am assuming some of the symptoms as bad signs.

I am having diarrhea from last night – it is not very serious but I am also having acidity with mild cramps. I don’t understand one thing – like when someone is pregnant and is vomiting or has nausea; it can not be without any feelings in the tummy? I have mild cramps mostly resembling that of serious acidity – I am a little scared but I have left it in the hands of God so I am trying not worry. Whatever he has planned for me will happen – whether I worry or not worry.

I called my doctor yesterday and got to talk to a duty doctor. She said it was normal and if I was very scared or feeling very ill I could come and get admitted in the hospital. But surely I was not feeling as if the cramps were killing me. I feel very sick but I guess it’s just the way pregnant women feel.

Since my symptoms are pretty obvious (like inability to eat a lot of things, nausea, getting smell in everything), I decided to give my MIL a little hint. I told her I might have conceived but it’s still too early to test. She thinks it takes at least three weeks after you miss your period to get a positive test. I said, “Oh really? Then I should wait at least until the end of this month to find out.” I did not feel too good about lying to her but I had no other choice.

She suggested I should get a holy amulet from the holy people (like priest) from a nearby shrine. Her sister who lives nearby was here for a visit and she said she will give me a special amulet when I conceive next time(!). The amulet will have a piece of fishing net (iron to drive away all bad air), a piece of cow’s bone (to keep me protected from evil spirit) and some other weird stuff. This amulet will surely let me have an uneventful healthy pregnancy!

I or my parents have never believed in these things but now I want to get it. The slightest hope that I can get from anywhere, I really don’t want to miss it – and especially when I am having cramps!

Just hanging in there

Nothing much is going on in my life. Trying my best to not to think about the pregnancy (I see I have gathered the guts to write the actual P word), and move on with a normal life. But easy said than done!

I am nervous every moment…getting alert on every little discomfort that I have and even on the lack of any discomfort sometimes. Although I am not posting but I am reading a lot of other blogs. I am really upset for Newt from Dear Gherkin. I don’t know why God does this – I know there is a right reason which we are not able to figure out most of the times but can he not spare us from these sorts of pains?

I don’t have clue what is happening inside me – also I am not too eager to find it out either. I just want to wait until around the end of this month but waiting has become really tough.